Infatuated with depression..

i'm pissed..i'm sad. i'm everything i shouldnt be right now...

and no its not about my crush i mentioned in the previous post thgh some of ur suggestions was reli motivating..thanks pep

2day was bad..like BAD..got my physics quiz marks back today n gues wht i got?

a B

dumb?!i noe..i din reli expect it myself..or maybe i'm just over exaggerative ..GOD FORBID*

i just miss who i reli was and the people i reli was with..the old me cudnt give a daym about a B in a quiz..for heaven sake its only 2%!!now everything is all about being a fake perfectionist..everyone wants 2 see how well u do..they loathe the sight of success and pray for an unexpected failure..or so i think...somesort of MY DESPAIR IS THEIR JOY kinda thing..at times i sit and wonder..is this the right path i'd reli wan 2 b in?will i reli b glad tat i chose this route in what,,5 years 2 come?!

daym..i'm sick of thinking..i'm suffering hair loss!!n this post has no connection between each prgrph!!wats worse is tat i cant even find someone to cry to..not like back home where i just need 2 go down and there ma'll be..the way she tucks you in with a warm drink and gives u the assuring hug that everything is gna b alright the next day..not all the stars remains blue forever..and if that's not enough i'll always have my friends with sleepovers or simply laughing at the silliest things in school..bak den i dun have 2 laugh wif broken eyes.. here everyone gives u the 18-year-old-stupid-stuckup-i-think-you're-matured-enuf-look..i'm def not saying i dun have friends ere..no m not some phsyco loner around campus but everything and everyone just seem so diff and am def having a hard time adapting 2 this currently new horrifying lifestyle..urghhh!!!

i just dun understand myself currently..i dun und wht m i so upset abt..isit cos of a dumb grade or is it just me?!everything is sppsed 2 b fine on the surface!i'm duin everything just fine n everyone else ere treats me just ryte but i'm still troubled once i'm back to my room..i bet some of ya'll are bggng 2 und how the dark circles just keep increasing each day but i wna noe,,,am i reli just some mixed up piece of a puzzle that's not belonging in its place??or has there been a mistake while i was picking n fixing all the other pieces?

i've got my 2nd term exam coming up..i duno if i shud feel nervous or simply remove this protective cocoon my parents grew me in..i constantly pray to Him knowing in the end He'll be the only one that's reli gna b dere for me..something i quoted from the SGGS ' the hot winds does not touch one who is under the protection of the Lord'..

nice ryte?if only at times i'll learn 2 think of it wen m feeling lonely or troubled..life wud be much easier i suppose..

as for now,,i'm just gna carry on pretending and faking everythin like all the other perfectionists ere do..smtg i've been reli gud 2 at recently (:

owh ya btw abt my infatuation in the earlier post..gues m just gna keep it aside 4 d moment (: i've got enough of junk on my mind n no am not some superhero with an extra 30GB memory space..

well maybe one day....one day i'll find someone who'll follow me when the stars go blue..den maybe evrything wont be all that deep and meaningless any more..