Maya..RIP :'(

this morning i woke up listening to loud familiar voices around me..it took me some time to realize that i was bak home for holls..my younger sis dragged me out of bed to attend the 'unoffical family gathering' downstairs..it was fixed..tmrw morning we'll be heading off to camerons!!!XD tho its been someplace we often go but i still saw the exictement on my dad's face..it was our perfect 'runaway' place..atleast i know its his..

i helped to wash the big fountains in front of the house..seriously..we could have made an algae museum out of tat place!!dad joined me half way thru cleaning(more like wen i was bout to finish) till he had to go out..since i was at cleaning, i tawt of trimming my mom's flowers..well i dno about me but my parents def do have green fingers so i ws trying 2 b very careful wif it..after sending my younger sis to school, i saw my dog, Maya. there she was with her usual 'standing on two legs' pose with her tongue wagging pleading for me to let her out of her cage..i couldn't help but to laugh looking at her..she's such a darling!!!maybe a bit retarded tho [ for those tat has seen my dog, she hardly stays still!!!she's always moving vigorously all the time]..that explains why we have os few pictures of her..

i tawt of giving her a bath..something i knw she hates..as i was unlocking her cage, i had a sudden flashback vision thingy..the picture of my old dog{sony} dying at the roadside after being hit by the car just flashed in front of me..at that time, my dad and i just finished giving her a bath and dad let her out of the house only to be knocked by a car..i was left there to clean the pool blood in the midle of the road wif my own natural saltwater 2 b specific..

i felt weird cos that was old news..why did it come bak sudd?i walked back and closed the house gate, incase Maya tries to run out..after all i can't bear losing another dog so soon..it was all normal..as i opened the cage door, her atlethics event began..she dashed into the house bitting the carpet and running all around..i couldn't stop laughing..i reli did miss her..den it was bath time..i picked her up and went near the fountain area..the fidgeting started once i got nearer..

she sensed it..BATH TIME!!!

tho my dog is a pincher{which makes her reli small}, she managed to escape from my hands..i got a hold of her and tried puting her in a big blue pail..she jumped from my hands again..i bent down and got a hold of her again giving a smile cos i tawt i won..

but this time she was not moving

her tongue was sticking out and it was all blue..her eyes were small and it was barely opening..i screamed for my mom and brought her in the house..the heartbeat was still there but it was very weak..she was dying

everything was so sudden..i din notice the time where dad rushed home and brought her to 4 diff vet..they all gave a negative answer..she wasn't going to make it..she broke a bone and has head injuries wif internal bleeding..she might not live thru the day..

the whole time i was with her..holding her fragile lifeless body in my hands..reciting every single prayer that i tawt will bring her back..she could hardly open her eyes..what to say lift her head..

i prayed and prayed for everything to be alright..that this is just a bad dream..she'll jump out of my arms and start running again..

each time we called her i could see her trying her level best to show a sign that she is listening..but she couldn't..there i saw a prt of my dog..the part where she tries to show she's reli stronger and braver than other dogs tho she's small..

i hardly see my dad cry but this time he wasnt all that shy to show it..

we were just waiting..waiting for i don't know what..

her death or for a miracle..

she's downstairs now with my mom..it's only gonna be a few more hours before she leaves..

she tried waking up earlier but she kept falling..she didn't stop trying till she got tired..there you have it..my dog just plain being herself..stubborn*..



she's this 'evil' dog that makes pityful faces for us to let her out of the cage,,barks wen she sees you eating without offering her,,acts mengada and walks wif a certain style in front of my neighbours dog,,is afraid of the kitchen,,likes you to hold her on your laps,,licks every single part of you that she can reach, comes to the dinner table wen we're having meals(only to my side) cos i'll give her food wen my mom's not looking (:

i remember when we first brought her from the pet shop..it was 2 days after my prev dog dies..being a pincher she was only as big as my palm..she's d exact replica of Sony..the black and brown fur together wif the birth mark under her chin..the first meal i gave her was dim sum..and till today i can say it has been her fav..

i'm afraid to go down..i don't know what am i supposed to do..it'll be a lie if i tell her everything is gonna be alright..i'm just counting the seconds passing by..who am i supposed to blame?Him for taking lives away from us?!or myself for letting her out in the first place..

why isit that people need to die?what's the point of staying here in the first place..we're all stuck in ths rat race that's not gonna bring us anywhere..yet we are racing for the best things in life..best edu,,best job oppurtunities..why can't poeple realize that whatever you're duin now can just completely change withing a split of a sec?that it may not be all that worth it after all?why can't pep notice that the person next to you may just leave you to some place u dunno and is never to return?that you have spent so much time chasing petty things while leaving the imp ones behind?..

i'm regretting..regretting every single thing ryte nw..maybe i should've spent more time wif her last nyte..or i should've brought her out for more walks..my dad may have brought us up to be strong ladies in this cruel world..somehow he left out the 'facing death' part..

Maya : A Hindu term for the belief that the entire phenomena of the physical world is illusory. Maya is not a second reality, but a mysterious something of which neither reality nor unreality

i guess reality just took her away from me..

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”